Yesterday after my breakfast I cleaned the 3 bathrooms and vacuumed up and down stairs. I can't wait for the new house, 1 story, no more carrying the vacuum up and down and only 2 bathrooms. Why do we need 3 when there is only 2 of us anyway? That just makes more toilets for Hubby to go and clog and make a mess - right?
After the way things go for me, I still think something will go wrong.
After the cleaning I decided to go to the movies by myself and see Brave. I love being the only adult in a cartoon movie without kids, and tearing up none-the-less. LOL.
Before I left I ate one of those chocolate treats and packed snacks, for just in case.
A baggie of turkey pepperoni ans a string cheese (I ate), 2 86% chocolate squares (I ate) , cinnamon gum for after the treats and nuts just in case. Of course I bought a X-large bag of popcorn so I could refill it when I left for Hubby. He loves to take it to the guys at the FD. Harkins theater where we go in Chino Hills has the very best popcorn. Better than Edwards and AMC.
Since I was alone ( he never got home till 10:45pm-went somewhere with the guys from work) I snuck into Abraham Lincoln -Vampire Hunter. It was OK a lot of killing. I would love to think that he actually was a Vampire Hunter, wouldn't you? So I made myself sick just about and ate half that bag between both movies. That's what happens when you are alone all the time HUH?
Came home and took the girls for a walk and ate 6 buffallo wings and a spinach salad for dinner and another chocolate treat and some RediWhip for desert. I am paying for all that I ate yesterday, today. Of course my weight is up a bit, but I'm sure it will even out in a few days.
Popcorn is my only food that I go out of control with at the movies. Even though it is allowed and I skip lunch when I do and never use butter - I just feel like I am cheating.
I always try to sound as upbeat on here as I can, but this morning I feel so tired, I got 0 sleep last night, just kept tossing and turning - I was a little upset. I feel so trapped at times with 0 friends, no one to ever talk to or hang out with, I don't work and am not gonna even look again until we move - I'm not gonna drive so far to get paid $8 and hour. Sometimes and this is one I feel that nobody gives a shit and where is that fuckin bridge at anyway?
I know - poor me right? I know - you are all gonna say I care and am your friend, but you're all too far away. I think I may be a bit intimidating to some because I don't ever stray from my BFC goals like some others do. You may think it's so easy for me and WOW I would give anything to sit at home instead of work? You better think twice about that! I have never been so lonely in my life. My 3 kids never call and I guess there is a reason for that right? You can never ever make up for the stupid things you do when they are little- think about that! Even if they say they forgive you - they really don't way deep down inside.
Well that's it for me. I'm just gonna spend the day doing laundry and laying on the couch watching TV.
Have a good one.
NO thoughts today - I'm empty...................
Isn't that the truth, humans always want what they don't have. When you work, you don't want to work. I work and I dream about not working and all the crafts and gardening and organizing I would like to do. But I would probably sit around and not do anything. Probably eat! You will have a lot to do once you start moving.
ReplyDeleteI like that fact that you are just normal, a few problems here and there, but I can relate to.
Crystal
I am on the exact same wave length today..other than i am not as goid of a BFC as you are.
ReplyDeletei live alone and am missing work because of a ingury.
I think you do a great job of having a life with what i know and what you have to work with ,so to speak. You do alot for others but i can see that if they are so far away it does not fill the gaps.
I wish you were my neighboor,someone to walk with and share common goals. Atleast i get to play with you here!
As ever thanks for your help.
Sending HUGS your way today. :)
ReplyDeleteHi roaslie, I am in the same situation. i am always alone and no one to talk to, because my sisters always so preoccupied with her husband that i really don't feel like i live with them two as my roommates, but alone in my room. I am sorry for this, I wish i could help trust me i do. I really really do! i suffer from this I'm tried of being alone, I wish my parents were here in my same hometown so i could just be with them instead of being alone, but since they're not its hard to find comfort when they're not home and for some reason comfort is food. food is my comfort, but I'm trying. I am because it is possible. I know it is. you are a great example of this. You are someone i look up to in this journey. HUGS!
ReplyDeleteDear Sistahfriend...you are not alone in your situation. I have two stepchildren who have zero respect for their Dad or myself even though they were treated far better when they lived with us. As I try to muddle thru life after being fired for a workers comp injury...I sit here daily dreaming of food not on the BFC.
ReplyDeleteHey Rosalie,
ReplyDeleteFirst, a big hug. I have felt those pangs of loneliness at times.
My thought for you was, since you love your furry babies, to sign up to volunteer at the Pomona Animal Shelter- or, better yet, the Baldwin Park Animal Shelter (which, may be further for you, but has an AMAZING volunteer base). Or, perhaps another form of volunteering that would help you connect with others outside the house. Well, maybe as a female, I always want to offer a suggestion to someone who is hurting. But just my thoughts on this day. Hope you feel better into the week.
Crystal has a good point. There are days I would pay to be alone ... lol. I love my kids dearly but some days I just want to have peace and quiet. I guess someday I'll look back and wish they were around to drive me crazy. I only stopped working a few years ago (long story but I LOVED what I did and I miss it a lot). I think I was depressed for the first two years at home - it was so hard for me to readjust. I missed dealing with people and being creative (since I worked in Advertising). It’s not easy being home and even though I have friends who are at home too, our kids are on different schedules and we don’t even see each other that much. We’re all just doing the best we can :)
ReplyDeleteI would certainly hang out with you in your warm weather! What I find interesting is that the feelings that you have, can be felt by everyone, even surrounded by family and friends. It's just something personal that people can't touch. It is something that you may need to have a talk with yourself about!
ReplyDeleteI wish there were easy answers. As far as the Dr. saying no hormones, there are soooo many different schools of thought. It comes down to what is best for the individual woman. There is no blanket answer anymore. If you know you feel a little off, it is worth getting another opinion. Hormones effect us in millions of ways.
I think you are awesome:)
Cyber Hug for you Rosalie!
ReplyDeleteHi Rosalie,
ReplyDeleteI too have days where it really hurts-the loneliness. I had a BFF unlike any other for a year and a half and then she moved back to NY and I was left alone and it was pretty much a death. I'm an introvert and honestly don't enjoy the whole process of making friends-it takes a lot of work and putting yourself out there-vulnerable and after my BFF left, I'm just not ready to go through that again, although I hold no illusions that I'd ever have a friendship like that again. I understand by not putting myself out there to meet new people and potentially have a friend or two, I am choosing the feelings of loneliness and sadness. I hope this dark cloud passes soon and I hope knowing that you aren't alone in these feelings brings some small comfort.
HI Rosalie. Your post made me feel very sad, but also grateful. I have to say, even though I have many stresses in my life, I do have the blessings of having lots of family and friends around. The grass always looks greener on the other side right? I would kill for a few days of no one around to bother me. I guess we have two extremes in our situations. I feel so stretched and have too much to do, and you would like some of that. Why can't life be more balanced? I do wish we were closer. I would hire you to work in our office, you could help me with all the stuff I need to do, and we could walk our doggies together. Sounds so good! but then I think about all the friends I have right in the area and I still don't see them for weeks or maybe even months because of our schedules. I think it's a problem more people have these days. Everybody is isolated. I don't have any real advice, but I know it does feel good to give back. There are plenty of places that could use your help. Maybe meals on wheels, or work at the local bloodmobile or animal shelter. My mom does alot of volunteering and she has made some great friendss. We all still love you, and I hope some sunshine finds its way into your life soon. Hugs and love!
ReplyDeleteI was a little unplugged on Sunday and Monday and am just catching up reading everyone's posts....
ReplyDeleteThe funny (not really funny) thing is that even with 5 kids I can get lonely. I can be busy running around and have a house full of people and still feel lonely. And even when I am not feeling lonely, I'm craving doing something just for me!! Sometimes I really need to have some "girlfriend time" with other women - who understand how I feel, but I am so busy running my kids to their events and homeschooling that at the end of the day I can barely keep my eyes open.... that is why my blog is the first thing that I do in the morning because it keeps me plugged in to my new BFC friends whom I feel very connected to and it makes me happy when I read all of your blogs weather your bareing your soul or sharing a recipe... I care about all of you and wish we all lived in the same town so we could get together...
As far as making mistakes with our children, we all do it!!! My kids are already telling stories of things I did... When I hear, "Mom, remember when you.... ??" I cringe.. I just wish they'd forget, but it's true they don't. All I can do it tell them that I'm human and I'm sorry and leave it at that.
So, weather we're far or near, we're all your friends and love you!!!!! XOXOXXO