The past 2 days have been kind of, well - I don't know. Yesterday Our nephew came over again and helped us in the garage. They put some wood up in the rafters and put some boxes up there. That took us several hours and it made a tiny dent in the garage.
I went thru the boxes and sorted them in piles according to what they were. It made it a bit easier.
Lunch; they brought home some Carls Jr and he got me a jalapeno burger wrapped in lettuce.
Dinner I had a little turkey and chicken and some greens.
Today Lisa and Maria said they were gonna go to the Fair and I said I would go with them even though hubby and I went on Monday. Remember the wine opener kit I bought? Well last night we found the local sprouts nearest to here and got a few things and a bottle of wine to try the new opener and kit. Got home - put the thing on top of the bottle and it broke right off. Darn - I need to stop eating so much spinach.
So I needed to go back to exchange that anyway. I was supposed to meet them there and I waited in the front for an hour after the time we said we would meet. They went and picked up Maria's niece to surprise her and when they got there she said "If I knew you were gonna take me here I would have stayed home - I HATE fairs!"
Well that's how it went, the whole time Maria saying maybe they should leave and take her home. SHEESH! Then Lisa saying "No I don't like this and I don't like that!"
Anyway I ate a pork chop on a stick and a few spears of a cucumber and water for lunch. We walked around and FINALLY I found the wine guy and exchanged it and I got a cute scarf and a jar of green olives stuffed with jalapenos and garlic. And yeah - I felt guilty for spending so much money. Parking $12, get in $12, food $9, olives $10, scarf $17
Oh - I forgot to tell you that Lisa had some protein bars in her purse called Pure Protein. I looked at the label and it looked good, had Malitol in it and 2 sugars and 16 carbs and 200 calories. I guess I was just too tired cause when I finished it I noticed all the way down it said SUCRALOSE. I felt so bad that I ate it and told Lisa that I'm gonna die now cause I ate artificial sweetener. She said OK I'll order you one of those Dodger caskets we passed by earlier. We laughed about it - but I felt horrible I didn't catch that. That's not like me at all.
I got home and Hubby had been moving stuff in the garage. I have to tell you that the past 2 weeks have been very difficult for me. He has been feeling bad about what happened and has been taking it out verbally on me. Remarks saying that he is not happy and miserable and making me feel bad and always telling me that I don't work and what do I do?
I grew up very poor and appreciate everything I have and am just going with the flow. I don't care where we live as long as its clean and safe. I like this house, it's cute and clean and has a small yard for the furry girls. Yeah its way smaller than we are used to but I don't care. I hung a few pictures yesterday and its looking cute I think.
So when I got home from the fair this evening I was so tired from the stress of them and did I say I still have not slept at all yet. I just lay there night after night. I feel like death warmed up a bit. So when he showed me what he did I just flipped. He just could have waited a few days or a week so I could go thru stuff first. I went in the bedroom and sobbed uncontrollably for around 30 minutes.
He kept coming in asking why I was crying and he will move stuff where ever I wanted, but I felt like he was just so selfish and didn't care about my feelings. He just didn't understand at all. I had stuff just where I wanted to make it easy for me to go thru the stuff since I am the only one putting the house together and now I was gonna have to do it all over again. Look thru everything to find the right boxes.
After I stopped crying I took the dogs for a 1.6 mile walk. I felt terrible but it helped and I am a bit calmer now. I couldn't even eat dinner. I just ate 1 last protein bite and some rediwhip in a bowl.
Well tomorrow is a new day and I am just gonna continue to try my best to put the house together little by little. Let me put some more stuff away and I will take some pics.
What ever happens in your life - Don't let that be an excuse to eat bad or undo everything that you have accomplished. Food that we eat is totally separate from what happens to us.
Life Sucks then we die sooner or later - right?? So what happens in between is the tricky part. I wish I could ask to be forgiven from whoever I offended so I could feel like once and for all that I am not being punished all the time for my past offenses.
Yeah I know - Pitiful post. Forgive me but I have no one to talk to and feel like crap. Believe it or not this actually helps a bit. I'll try not to do this again.
This is PurpleRosy signing off...
Wish I could say something to make you feel better. Don't feel bad about saying what's on your mind ... it's your blog right? I hope tomorrow is a better day :)
ReplyDeleteYou can vent whenever you want, that's what we are here for, to support each other. It sounds like your husband is really down on himself and sadly taking it out on you. DON'T BELIEVE HIM!!! You are a good woman! I don't work either, and I don't think you think that I am a loser?
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel better, I haven't died from sucralose yet and I eat it way more than you do:)
Hang in there, every day you get more settled will be a better day. I'm glad you cried, holding it in is bad for your health! Take some nyquil!!!
Dear Sistahfriend, hollar all you want! I can relate a tad...so go for it. I'm really sorry you are alone. But you are very important to us, more than words can convey. I truly would like to chat soon.
ReplyDeleteAbout your lack of sleep. Speaking from first hand experience!! I will bet ys the farm that you are overloaded with mercury. Once my acupuncture dude figured it out...the fix was not far. I'm begging you...get a hair analysis. Slerp depravation is a slow miserable desth they I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Xox
I can relate to the sleep part, althought the last few weeks I am sleeping better.Everything is harder when you are sleep deprived. Maybe being at the beach and the salt air helped me, so I was lucky. You have to vent like you did, get it out and then keep going. I know you will, because you always have. Just keep doing what you always have done and I'm sure things will start to improve slowly. We are always here for you, like you have been for us. Wish I could give you a hug for real, but in the meantime, sending an extra big one today!! XO
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better! I can relate with the no sleep thing right now, since my mom's here and getting up a few times a night. No sleep, plus the stress of moving, I'm surprised you're as together as you are!! Most men don't understand the organized women's mind. Hopefully he didn't mess the boxes up too much in the garage.
ReplyDeleteHey Rosalie - so sorry you are having a hard time. Nothing compares to moving when it comes to stress, especially since you did it under extreme circumstances. Stay strong, get some sleep and unpack some boxes with your favorite things!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you are feeling so bad and not sleeping well. Hope you feel better soon.
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