I know some of you are waiting for me to say that I am OK now, but that is just not the case. Sometimes I feel a little OK - then most of the time not. I think the problem is as soon as I get a free second, which is all the time, my mind starts racing with all that stuff and I feel so depressed and just plain BAD.
I asked my husband this morning when is this feeling gonna go away? He says that he is there for me and how proud of me he is and how much he loves me and all that helps, but at times I think I will feel like this forever. Which I know is not the truth.
I really have no idea how Judy and my Ex can live with themselves with all that they have done to me and my daughter?? And that bothers me a lot too, which I know I should let go of - and I will as soon as I can.
Yesterday Hubby made me go to the movies. We saw the house at the end of the street and then snuck into Resident Evil what-number 50 now?? The first one was OK, the second BAD and I mindlessly ate popcorn until my tummy hurt. All I could think of the whole time was to just go home and get in bed.
I have not been doing my daily walks with the dogs, just can't get myself to do it, so Hubby has been taking them once in a while for me. My weight is low, 145.5. I have only been eating about twice a day. That's about all I can do at the moment. I KNOW-I Know, I always say how important it is to eat 3 meals a day so your body will not go into starvation mode!! I am trying - I promise.
Yesterday's was a omelete w/spinach and goat cheese, Oasis toast and berries.
I ran out of any type of nut butters a while ago and I have no store peanut butter at the moment, and you know how I love nut butters in the morning, so I woke up this morning and used the rest of my raw almonds and made some in the food processor with a bit of pumpkin spice, cocoa, expresso powder and macadamia nut oil to soften it.
Hubby said it looked like POOP!!
Thank you all for always being there and listening to me. Have a good Sunday...
Give yourself time, as long as you need. Don't put any expectations on yourself . You have been through a lot and it will take time. Just get through each day. Eventually things will get easier, but don't rush it . Sending love and hugs. XO
ReplyDeleteOftentimes people who are seemingly waiting for you to "get over it" are saying so in order to make themselves feel better, too. I'm glad you acknowledge that you know you will someday feel better than now. But of course you're still hurting and will always miss that loved one.
ReplyDeleteMy husband would love to go see the new Resident Evil... Alas, I am a tightwad and we'll wait for it to be on dvd. If you've been skipping meals, then I am glad you ate popcorn to the bursting point.
Thinking of you Rosalie, and it will get better when it gets better.. glad you got out and went to the movie, not sure if I would. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI know that I am not waiting for you to say "your ok" you lost your son, which a big thing and grief is a personal thing. Just keep trying to hang in there and take care of yourself and do what you need to do no matter how long it takes.
ReplyDeletePlease take care of yourself and give yourself however much time it takes to begin to heal. Sending you love and healing thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteRosalie, I have a feeling you are going to have good days and bad days for awhile. It might help if you wrote a letter to your Ex and Judy, a letter that you will never send, telling them just how you feel about everything they have done. Get it all out, and then fold the letter and put it away somewhere. I've done that before just to get out my feelings of anger or injustice. Just pouring your feelings into your letter sometimes will get them out of your system, and that's all you need to be able to let go a little.
ReplyDeleteI think going to the movies was a good idea to try to take your thoughts somewhere else for a little while. I know how hard it is to think about something else when you are going through such a huge crisis. Sending love and positive thoughts your way.
I am not waiting for you to say that you are OK, I think that is going to take a long time. Each day will hopefully be a little better, and you can continue to heal. I like Beth's idea. I have done that before too.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNo not waiting for you to say your okay either ....just glad that you are here where you are also loved :-)
ReplyDeleteRosalie, I wanted to post my condolences the day you shared your loss, but I didn't. I felt shame for taking a tragedy for me to make a comment. I do want you to know that there a many of us out here who so appreciate all the time and effort you put into your blog. I've learned so much from you. You are so honest and genuine. I am truly sorry for the heartbreak you are going through. No parent should outlive their child. You've gone through so much in your life, and yet have perservred through it a stronger person. I pray you and your family receive the strength and love you need to get through this trying time. Know your friends out here are all keeping you in our thoughts.
ReplyDelete