I Now Know How Easy It Is...

Hello Friends,

I know - I know, its been a while. I just don't have the time like I used to to blog anymore. I've been at my job now for a year. Although it is still stressful, and some days much more than others - I have learned to go with the flow. It is much easier that way. I always have piles of files and I am always being interrupted and asked to do something, I just say "Sure - what ever you need" instead of letting it get me so much more stressed.

I keep to my self and when they are yapping in Spanish all the time, I try to ignore it. Most of the time, no one is talking to me anyways.

I now know how easy it is for those who have lost weight and then gain it all back....

I feel so ALONE and different than anyone else I know. NOBODY eats like me! NOBODY walks over 2 miles EVERY single day like me!! Its sad that I SO look forward to my walk every night with my furry kids. Even when it is pitch black outside or raining. YUP I walked twice in the rain this past week, once with my raincoat and umbrella and the next night just my rain coat, cause it was not raining when I left - but of course it started sprinkling halfway thru the walk and by the time we got home, my head was soaked.

Everyone else I know eats NORMAL... I always bring lunch to work  - even though they all make fun of me for the way I eat, except Fridays (that is our boss buys us lunch Fridays). I usually pick a salad or lettuce wrapped burger but this past friday I ate 3 small tacos AND a few tortilla chips and salsa.

Now I have to compare......Although that tasted good, it did not fill me up like my OWN food with green veggies and proteins do. My tummy felt bloated too.

OK BACK to the I know how easy it is thing...........

I have been letting my emotions get the better of me lately. It has been like War of the Roses at home lately. We have been starting to fix the back yard (which was all dirt and rocks) and it is causing us to argue like no tomorrow.

I THINK he is listening when we talk about stuff, and our opinions on what we want to do back there, and I get home and he just did what ever HE wants. The arguing over this CRAP is too much! It is causing me to feel depressed and lonely.

He thinks I am supposed to be SO grateful to him for working so much OT and taking extra jobs to make the money to do all this stuff in the back. I AM NOT!!! I hate it! I am left all alone most of the time and tired from work and can't do all the stuff like I used to before when I didn't work. This is also causing tension.

SO there are times when I feel like if I just ate a bit more - I would feel better...

So they have all this crap at work and I'll just take a few bites....

I'll eat an extra one of my healthy treats that I make for myself...

Who cares? There is never anyone here - right?

Today Hubby and I were out running around ( yeah and still arguing about the back) and stopped at the Habit for a burger. I got lettuce wrapped of course and I also got some fries and onion rings, 1/2 and 1/2. Hubby was still being a jerk and said YOU don't need to eat that. I said I am hungry and "YES I AM" - he says well don't come crying to me if your weight is up!

REALLY?? Did he think that helped at ALL!! NO! I ate half 2 onion rings and about 6 fries and took the rest with me. I dropped him off at home and had to go to the store for some groceries. Cupboards BARE!! and yeah - I was so upset from all the arguing - I ate the rest in the car.

I read somewhere some tips that Richard Simmons said, and one was to always weigh yourself EVERY day... I have always done that since the beginning and still do every day. It has been almost 5 years now since I have been eating this way and if I don't stay on top of things when I am feeling like I have been this past week - I TOO just might be one of those statistics that failed.

I can NEVER let that happen. When I am up 2-5 lbs in my weight I start to freak out a little and correct the problem immediately. How would I know if I didn't weigh ever day???

Do you see that before picture of me on the upper right?

Even though I look thin now I still and will always feel like that FAT woman in my head... Its funny how when I see a picture of me now - like the one Hubby took of me cutting the grass about 3 weeks ago - cause he thought it was funny - I said "WOW look how skinny I look"!

Yeah I still get surprised when I look at myself now.

For those of you that have a lot of weight to lose like I did - just know that you CANNOT cheat or eat the fries or tacos like I did. You HAVE to be VERY STRICT!! For a long time actually, until you can learn how to control yourself without spiraling out of control.

If you think that your loved ones or friends CARE about you - I've got news for you - THEY DON"T!!

They get happy when you eat like them - don't they?? They don't give two Craps about your weight loss and want you to eat and look just like them. - I am sorry but that is the SAD - LONELY truth....

YOU MUST do this for YOU and no one else. THEY DON"T CARE!!! I know it hurts - but the truth does sometimes. We are ALONE in this - so lets stick together and give each other the support we need to just be healthy...and stay that way.

I have always said... If I can do this - SO CAN YOU!!

As always  - thanks for listening. This is PurpleRosy signing off...

Keep on BFC ' n  :-)
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