I am trying to figure out what to say right now. I feel like I should write a post, but yesterday was a traumatic day for me and I am not sure what to - or not to say.
Lets see - I will start with my breakfast;
It was my usual with some blueberries inside and natures hollow preserves on top.
I went to get ready to go. It was the day of the funeral for my Ex, my son's father who passed a few weeks ago.
BTW, I thought I could get away with those shoes, My surgery foot (after 2 months now) and even the other one was KILL-I-N-G me all day. I fear that I may NEVER be able to wear anything but flats or wedges for the rest of my life.
For those of you that have been around, the funeral last year for my son was also traumatic for me being around some that I did not want to be around. Not His family. The times that I HAVE been around them, they have always been nice to me even after all these years and them (I'm sure) not knowing at ALL what happened. At least not the REAL TRUTH anyways.
I can't talk about the trauma that I found out yesterday, it is WAY too personal and AWFUL. I now know and realize why I got so fat and gained so much weight over the years.My life was stolen away from me and I can never get that back.
I know I have lost the weight now and look pretty good but the feelings I have towards myself will never change I think. Because of my past. Happiness has never been nor ever will be part of my future. I know that now.
It might take me a little bit to get around, past and through this. Or maybe Never. I just don't know.
But the one thing that I do know is that no matter what I have or will go through -
I will NEVER go back to the way ate before.
I will NEVER look the way I did before.
NOW I KNOW
This is PurpleRosy signing off...
Keep on BFC ' n :-)