First I guess I feel sad.
Then I feel kind of depressed at times.
Recently I feel a bit angry at times.
And worst of all - GUILTY!!
I know all these feelings are normal for what I am going through. Hubby asked me this morning why I won't smile at him. I told him, I want to - but I just can't. I hate that I feel this way!
This morning Pattie had a great post and for any of you that ARE trying to lose weight should read it: http://mycruisecontrol.blogspot.com/2012/10/are-you-in-battle.html
I guess I found myself at a size 18-20 because of what I had been going through all those years. I figured that what difference did it make - cause no one really cared anyway what I did or looked like. I didn't like myself because of what I went through.
Now I know its OK to feel what we want and food will never fill that empty spot. It might make us feel better temporarily, but then we always feel bad about it later.
How many times have I said that IT'S ALL in our HEADS?? It really is true. Once we can get past the psychological part of it - then the rest is not so hard. The food will always be there so there is no rush to go eat it all right now.
I am so glad that I have been making my own Nut Butters lately because there were even more recalls this morning on the news. Tons of brands are being taken off the shelves. At first I kind of rebelled against making it but then realized how easy it really is and you can make different flavors. It winds up being less than 1 gm of sugar per serving I think.
Snack was some pork rinds.
Dinner was a chicken breast, broccoli and a few brussel sprouts
Desert; was rediwhip and 2 protein bites.
Well that's I have nothing else to talk about. Have a good day - it's gonna be over 100 here again today.
This is PurpleRosy signing off...
My thought for the day:
Don't let Food Rule Over YOU!!
Keep on BFC ' n :-)
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The stages of grief are tough. Sometimes you go back and forth between them. Eventually you will come to some sort of acceptance. Don't rush yourself - it takes time.
ReplyDeleteMy husband used to joke that I picked a meal (usually when we went out) like it was the last meal I'd ever eat. So glad those days are gone :)
Rosalie, you need to hear this...when you know better, you do better. So don't feel guilty about anything in your past. You did at the time the best you could for you and your son. Don't let the guilty feelings get you down. It is natural, but it's just going to bring you down if you dwell on them. You were a good mother to your son. I saw so many happy pictures of him on your facebook wall. You are not evil, and anything that you did that you feel guilty about, was what you thought was the right thing to do at the time. I read a quote recently that says " never be afraid to fall apart, because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along." Pick yourself up and get on with living your life, without guilt, without regret, but with the happy memories that you have of the time you shared with your son. I believe in another life, you will reconnect, and there will be no grief, or guilt or sorrow.Only joy that you are reunited. Just my humble opinion! XOXO
ReplyDeleteI agree with Pattie she is right..when we know better we do better. Forgive yourself and move forward. Let go of the guilt. Hugs to you Rosalie.
ReplyDeleteI learned to forgive myself and it opened a whole new world for me! It isn't easy, it isn't constant, but it feels so much better. You are a good woman and you did the best with what you had, forgive yourself:)
ReplyDeleteThinking of you!