I am trying to figure out what to say right now. I feel like I should write a post, but yesterday was a traumatic day for me and I am not sure what to - or not to say.
Lets see - I will start with my breakfast;
It was my usual with some blueberries inside and natures hollow preserves on top.
I went to get ready to go. It was the day of the funeral for my Ex, my son's father who passed a few weeks ago.
BTW, I thought I could get away with those shoes, My surgery foot (after 2 months now) and even the other one was KILL-I-N-G me all day. I fear that I may NEVER be able to wear anything but flats or wedges for the rest of my life.
For those of you that have been around, the funeral last year for my son was also traumatic for me being around some that I did not want to be around. Not His family. The times that I HAVE been around them, they have always been nice to me even after all these years and them (I'm sure) not knowing at ALL what happened. At least not the REAL TRUTH anyways.
I can't talk about the trauma that I found out yesterday, it is WAY too personal and AWFUL. I now know and realize why I got so fat and gained so much weight over the years.My life was stolen away from me and I can never get that back.
I know I have lost the weight now and look pretty good but the feelings I have towards myself will never change I think. Because of my past. Happiness has never been nor ever will be part of my future. I know that now.
It might take me a little bit to get around, past and through this. Or maybe Never. I just don't know.
But the one thing that I do know is that no matter what I have or will go through -
I will NEVER go back to the way ate before.
I will NEVER look the way I did before.
NOW I KNOW
.jpg)
This is PurpleRosy signing off...
Keep on BFC ' n :-)
*****************
Not sure what to say about your trauma and you never seeing happiness, but I will say that you look pretty in your dress and painful shoes! Go for a walk in this nice weather and maybe it will raise your spirits a bit.
ReplyDeleteCarey
I don't know what to say. I'm no psychologist, and I don't know what you went through, but I do know that there people can feel happiness after trauma. It is possible and you are strong enough to do it. I don't know if you saw any of the recent interviews with Elizabeth Smart. She was the girl who was taken out of her bed while she was sleeping in Utah and held captive. I saw her on TV and I was amazed at how resilient she was. She was raped almost daily and forced to drink alcohol, which was against her religion as a Morman, as well as mentally tortured and brainwashed for 9 months. I saw her give an interview and she seemed happy and well adjusted. She talked about something her mother said to her which made all the difference in her mental attitude. I googled it and copied the exact words that she said her mother said to her " She said, 'Elizabeth, what this man has done to you is terrible. There aren't words strong enough to describe how wicked and evil he is. He has taken 9 months of your life that you can never get back again. Don't give him another minute." "The best punishment you can ever give him is to be happy, is to follow your dreams and do exactly what you want to do." Elizabeth responded I her own words " I think that can apply to each one of us, granted we're not all kidnapped, but we all have hard times and we all can choose to allow that to overwhelm our lives or allow it to push us forward and be happy."
ReplyDeleteYou can do this too. It might not be easy and it may take some time, but don't write off your happiness for life because of one person. Sending love and hugs' cause I think you really need them today!! XO!
What Pattie said. I wish for you some peace from all that you have endured, what happened, what you SURVIVED! You are here, you have a right to be happy. We all see things through different lenses, I hope you will see your life today in a bright lens. Trust me, I have felt the way that you sound, but I got help, and I thank God every day I did.
ReplyDeleteYou look amazing in that picture! I am so proud of you and your determination. Be as determined to not give those people one more ounce of your emotional well being, as you are of NEVER eating bad again. And I'm sorry and I know you hate it when I say this, but I needed meds to help me, they are NOT all bad. I am happy to be off them now, but I don't think I would still be here if I had not used them. True words.
You are too special to be sad!
I echo what Pattie & Kay said. I truly do feel for you, and I'm not quite sure what to say. I've been meditating on this since you posted it.
ReplyDeleteI can say this...I have learned the hard way how to push forward. I won't go into detail here. But...if you are open to it...I'd be glad to share! You are a strong woman. You have proven that much to us with this blog!
Hope you feel better soon, Rosalie.. and I went through a time where I needed medication too. It's a medical thing - sometimes we lose enough seratonin that we just can't get enough back to feel ok. Nothing wrong with it, at all!
ReplyDeleteRosalie, you are a survivor and a strong and beautiful woman, inside and out. Although I don't know what you've been through, I do know that you have kept your kind and loving heart through it all. Your daily writings here on your blog show that you care and have love for so many: your furry friends, your family and even for people who read your blog that you have never met! Sending you hugs...
ReplyDelete